Weed
There was a time, last year, when I went back to my country for a congress. I really didn't want to go, conferences are a lot of stress for me, too much people, relations, meeting my old fellow grad students, sharing hotel rooms... But I had to go. Then something weird happened. Every day, after the activities of the congress, we went out for beers. In those nights I discovered that most of my peers smoked marijuana. Man, how can I be so outsider?!? How can I be so blind? I had spent lot of time around them, mostly around the university, and although I'm not close friend with most of them, we had been in bars, pubs and parties (yes, sometimes I go to parties to suffer). I know them from almost ten years! Did you want a proof of my social skills? Here you have.
But the weirdness continues. They invited me to smoke, that was my first time I tried a drug. It felt really good, and I kept doing it almost every day for the two weeks that lasted the conference. The funny thing was that I started to feel less anxious around them, around the people. I felt that some kind of connection made a click between their group and me, and I could fit. That's the exact word, I fitted. And it wasn't only a subjective impression on my side, but some of them said farewell to me with a "hey, ... we really enjoyed these weeks with you". Can you believe it? I was astonished. Ok, I read later that everything may be an effect of the weed, but what the heck, I wish I'd be permanently stoned if that is one the symptoms.
The brighter vision of the world remained for a month after I returned to the US. Then, it started to fade out. And the worst part is that I'm incapable to get weed. How can you do it when you have no contacts, when you don't have anyone to ask where to find these kind of things? I guess that after you make a contact the rest is probably not difficult, but that first part is the most difficult for me. I have wandered sometimes around bars, trying to smell if somebody is smoking, so I could ask him or her (pathetic, huh?). But I'm blind, I probably won't get any result, judging from my previous lack of intuition. I've even had dreams about smoking pot again... oh, man. Let's stop here.
But the weirdness continues. They invited me to smoke, that was my first time I tried a drug. It felt really good, and I kept doing it almost every day for the two weeks that lasted the conference. The funny thing was that I started to feel less anxious around them, around the people. I felt that some kind of connection made a click between their group and me, and I could fit. That's the exact word, I fitted. And it wasn't only a subjective impression on my side, but some of them said farewell to me with a "hey, ... we really enjoyed these weeks with you". Can you believe it? I was astonished. Ok, I read later that everything may be an effect of the weed, but what the heck, I wish I'd be permanently stoned if that is one the symptoms.
The brighter vision of the world remained for a month after I returned to the US. Then, it started to fade out. And the worst part is that I'm incapable to get weed. How can you do it when you have no contacts, when you don't have anyone to ask where to find these kind of things? I guess that after you make a contact the rest is probably not difficult, but that first part is the most difficult for me. I have wandered sometimes around bars, trying to smell if somebody is smoking, so I could ask him or her (pathetic, huh?). But I'm blind, I probably won't get any result, judging from my previous lack of intuition. I've even had dreams about smoking pot again... oh, man. Let's stop here.
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