B
I don't know if blogging is my thing, it takes me a lot of effort to decide to write a post. Anyway, there has been same changes. Finally, I passed a course with a B, hey! Hurray! Fuck. It wasn't nice, but at least now I know how it feels. This summer has been pathetic, I didn't study for the course and I totally stopped any advance for my thesis. Every day is a continuous stream of guilt.
The medication is not helping at all, I guess I'll have to talk to the doc and see if he can change it. However, I started sessions with a psychologist, only one session so far. He diagnosed "anxiety" and some "endogenous depression". The "anxiety" part surprised me a bit, I have never thought of me as an anxious person, but after he explained it to me it looked a good diagnostic.
On a very different note, I started studying music. I think it may help to fight the void from inside. I had some musical instruction when I was a child but I never followed it. This summer I bought a harmonica and tried to start learning. I found it a bit difficult, and the music for what the harmonica is most suited is not really my style (blues and so on). It is a really portable and cheap instrument, though. After that I bought a basic keyboard, not so portable, but cheap anyway. That is more of my taste, now I can learn more music theory and I have been enjoying it for a while. I know that I have no talent at all, so I hope that the anxiety and the self pushing in this activity doesn't get too hard.
And on another very different note, some days ago I found a page which I visited a long time ago, but now I gave it more attention. It is a constructed language called toki pona. It only has 118 words and it's supposed to express only the most basic things in life. I'm reading the lessons and trying to express things with this language. I found it really calming, soothing.
o pona!
The medication is not helping at all, I guess I'll have to talk to the doc and see if he can change it. However, I started sessions with a psychologist, only one session so far. He diagnosed "anxiety" and some "endogenous depression". The "anxiety" part surprised me a bit, I have never thought of me as an anxious person, but after he explained it to me it looked a good diagnostic.
On a very different note, I started studying music. I think it may help to fight the void from inside. I had some musical instruction when I was a child but I never followed it. This summer I bought a harmonica and tried to start learning. I found it a bit difficult, and the music for what the harmonica is most suited is not really my style (blues and so on). It is a really portable and cheap instrument, though. After that I bought a basic keyboard, not so portable, but cheap anyway. That is more of my taste, now I can learn more music theory and I have been enjoying it for a while. I know that I have no talent at all, so I hope that the anxiety and the self pushing in this activity doesn't get too hard.
And on another very different note, some days ago I found a page which I visited a long time ago, but now I gave it more attention. It is a constructed language called toki pona. It only has 118 words and it's supposed to express only the most basic things in life. I'm reading the lessons and trying to express things with this language. I found it really calming, soothing.
o pona!
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